Titilae Ilesanmi: How Motherhood Sometimes Tries to Change You

A few weeks after I had my son, I convinced myself that I should be able to bounce back quickly. There was a popular celebrity who had recently given birth, and somehow, I had made her my measuring stick by comparing myself with her. I told myself that if she could lose the weight so quickly, I should be able to as well. But my body didn’t respond the way I expected. The weight didn’t disappear. The scale refused to move. Every time I looked in the mirror, I wasn’t just seeing a body that had changed. I was seeing someone I no longer recognised. With every passing week, I became harder on myself.

At first, I thought I was simply disappointed that I wasn’t losing weight. But somewhere between comparison, unrealistic expectations, and trying to become someone else’s version of success, I slowly lost sight of the woman God had created me to be.

And I believe I’m not alone.

Over the years, through coaching women and listening to countless mothers share their stories, I’ve realised that this struggle is far more common than we admit. We talk about postpartum recovery physically, but we rarely talk about recovering our identity.

For many women, one of the biggest struggles after childbirth isn’t simply adjusting to motherhood. It’s trying to recognise the woman staring back at them in the mirror. Motherhood changes your body. It changes your routine. It changes your priorities. Sometimes, it also changes how we see ourselves.

But here’s what I’ve come to believe:

Motherhood may change your season, but it should never change your identity. That realisation marked the beginning of my journey back to myself. Not the version of me I was trying to become. But the woman God had already created me to be.

Here are three lessons that helped me.

Separate Your Identity From Your Roles

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